I miss your smell

I would say we loved each other too much.
Too much.
And I think we made the mistake
of getting it right the first time,
and that put an insane amount of
pressure on us to keep it going. And…
we buckled.
You know what I
miss most about —
well, aside from becca,of course.
I miss your smell.
-That’s it?
When you left,I couldn’t wash the sheets
because I didn’t want to lose
that completely — you.
And it fucked me up for a long time
because I would wake up and I’d smell
you and I’d thinkyou were there.
And that would — my
heart would break all over again.
I think that’s why I go
in for the kiss all the time.
I know, yeah.I think I’m going for…
another hit.
-Have you washed those sheets yet?
Oh, well, you know, I
had to throw them away.
-Oh, good.
Yeah, this hot little starbucks
barista got her periodall over them.
-You’re so fucking disgusting.
You see? Look at that. You see?
-Why do you have to say shit like that?
If I can make you laugh like
that, why can’t we be together?
That’s what I don’t understand.
-You know what? You don’t want to be with
me. You think –I know you think you do.
But if I were togive myself to
you, you would run for the hills,
’cause you’re not in love with me, hank.
You’re in love with the
idea — the idea of love.
Now, on that brave,profound note,
I’m gonna go and get some coffee.
How you can be so fucking
beautiful and so fucking wrong?
– what?
– You’re running for the hills.
Yes, you are.

Hank Moddy – Dear Karen Letter – Californication

Dear Karen,
If you’re reading this, it means I actually worked up the courage to mail it, so good for me.
You don’t know me very well, but if you get me started I have a tendency to go on and on about how hard the writing is for me. But this, this is the hardest thing I ever had to write.
There is no easy way to say this so I’ll just say it, I met someone. It was an accident, I wasn’t looking for it, I wasn’t on the make it was a perfect storm, she said one thing, I said another and the next thing I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life in the middle of that conversation. Now there’s this feeling in my gut that she might be the one.  She’s completely nuts in a way that makes me smile, highly neurotic, a great deal of maintenance required. She is you Karen.
That’s the good news. The bad news is that I don’t know how to be with you right now, and that scares the shit out of me. Because if I am not with you right now I have this feeling we’ll get lost out there. It’s a big bad world full or twist and turns and people have a way of blinking and missing the moment. The moment that could of changed everything.
I don’t know what’s going on with us and I can’t tell you why you should waste a leap of faith on the likes of me. But damn you smell good, like home and you make excellent coffee that’s got to count for something, right? Call me!
Unfaithfully yours,
Hank Moody